A Good Husband

What it takes to be a good husband

Good Husband

I asked this question on my various social media sites because I really have no idea what it takes to be a good husband. In most patriarchal societies Girls are taught what it takes to be a good wife, and boys are taught what to look for in a wife. But what does it really take to be a good husband?

The question was so difficult to some men that they felt attacked. As a result, they became defensive, and the common come back was “What does it take to be a good wife?”. I avoided, by all means, to answer this questions because it diverts the conversation. This diversion is what I call “All lives mattering” the topic at hand. You know how one group say Black Lives Matter and another group comes up with All Lives Matter? Yeah, that type of diversion.

Here is a list of the answers I got:

  • Good Character
  • God Fearing
  • Maturity
  • Humility
  • Self Control
  • Respect wife and understand her character
  • respectful
  • Be there for your wife
  • Supportive
  • Sex her good
  • A good husband (someone actually commented this and quietly moved on with their lives)
  • Deep understanding and a healthy dose of emotional intelligence (Yaaaaasssss!)
  • None Alcoholic
  • Respectful
  • Loves God
  • Everything we’ve learned about marriage stems from patriarchal essentialist ideas that need to be unlearned. (Say that louder sir!)
  • Love your wife and take care of your kids
  • Be rich, if you’re rich you’re a good husband (rolls eyes)
  • Goal oriented, competitive and spiritual
  • Bros… Patience and listening ear and heart (Awe… )
  • Stick to one pussy love and provide for your family

 

The Miseducation of our children begins at home we teach our female children to be good wives and fail to teach our male children to be good husbands. In the words of my favourite writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

“We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage.

We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be, in Nigerian-speak—a hard man.” “We teach girls to aspire to marriage, and we don’t teach boys the same.”

This is just the tip of an enormous issue in our society today. Please feel free to add your opinion in the comment section.

Have a blessed week ahead.

A Story I’ve been reluctant to share

Help me understand this…

A few weeks ago I went for drinks with a colleague after work. The trendy downtown restaurant was packed, it was game night. I sat at the bar my friend to my left and two friendly white men to my right. The two tables to my colleague’s right were reserved. We enjoyed ourselves for a good 15 minutes before my colleague had to rush out. I decided to stay a for a bit, I knew some of the staffers.

This black man came in, and the only available spot was next to me. The sat him down, and his whole energy was just off. He was acting like I’m beneath him or something. After a few moments, he asked to be moved. The staff told him there is no other spot. He had them call the manager and whispered something in his ear. The manager said he couldn’t move him. After he had complained countless times, they finally moved the two reserved seats between us, and he was seated on the far end of the bar.

The waiters were shocked! They asked me if I knew him. I said “No”. One of the waiters brought me a drink on the house. How do you tell the world that you were discriminated against by a black man for being a black woman?

The Dream Team

My version of Mr right

I’ve been avoiding talking about romantic relationships on here because I’m no expert on the matter, however here are my two cents.

Ideally, you want a person who is aligned with God’s will for their lives. Once you’re aligned with God’s will you become comfortable and secure in the essence of who you are as an individual, let’s look at the definition of alignment;

Alignment: a state of agreement or cooperation among persons, groups, nations,etc.with a common cause or viewpoint.

Individuals who are in cooperation with their calling operate their lives at a superior level than those who aren’t. 

After you found this person that is aligned with themselves, you now have the seemingly impossible task of determining if your destinies are aligned. That your visions are interrelated and that your core values are equivalent to one another.

Here’s a list of core values

That’s my current picture of Mr Right. If he is tall and handsome than boom! You’ve hit the jackpot baby (lol)

Share your thoughts with us… What’s your version of the right partner?