December 2018

I thought my biggest fear was snakes, but that's not it. I went to the emergency on October 8th, I rarely get sick, so I was freaking out. It turned out to be nothing major. But as I sat there waiting for my test results, I was almost in tears because of the pain, but what was more traumatizing than the pain was that I have just found out what my passion is, I haven't done much to impact humanity in a big way through my gift. So I kept saying to myself "I just cannot die yet." The fear was not death itself the fear was dying before I can make a difference. Dying before I have released all the stuff God put in me. So when the test results came back all clear. Why did I go back to my comfort zone? Ordering chicken wings and loaded fries. Like I didn't have a fear of not releasing all my stuff? SMH. I know I can do better. The funny thing is I always think I am too old and I haven't achieved this and that. And when I thought I was going to die I was crying "Lord please I'm too young." It reminded me of a story, some of you may know it; This guy had lost his mother, and he was wailing and crying saying "take me with you mom, Take me with you." he was particularly dramatic as they lowered the casket into the ground he fell into the hole. He freaked out and screamed "Not today!" Is anyone ready for death? Maybe those who have done their work and lived up to their fullest potential. I Know I'm not there yet. Thoughts?...

Cos it ain't you You don't have the power to dim the light that shines from within you. I mean you can try. By lowering yourself to the standards of those around you, people you should be around in the first place. Others might convince you that your light is not there and that you are nothing special. But it's still not going to go away. There will be people who will attack you because it's shining in their face and you'll wonder "What have I done to these people? Don't they see how broke and broken I am?" You can try to hide it, you can try to squash it, so it might not offend others. This light is a Godly light, and it will not go away for your convenience. It'll bring you pain. Pain from hiding it and pain from the envious once you release it. Choose to release it anyway. Because the joy that comes from bright lights is more intense than whatever pain the envious will cause. Choose you, choose your light so that you might please God. PS: If you're a people pleaser like me (previous article) you might want to use all that "people pleasing" energy to please God. How about that?...

 "Have the courage to be disliked." Read the first quote I came across this morning. It takes a certain amount of courage to walk confidently into a room knowing that half the room hates your guts! The people pleaser in me would never allow it. There were times I would go to an event and force conversation with someone who doesn't like me until they budged. Imagine using all that time and energy to convince someone how much of a beautiful person you are instead of letting them think whatever and enjoy your night. At one point I was so fearful of being disliked to the point where I would change the way I dressed, talked and thought. I stopped thinking independently, and every decision had to be approved by someone. I once let someone talk me out of opening a boutique, something that I was so sure of at the time. Had I been courageous I would have been further along or I would have failed and learned from my mistakes. Now that I'm older you'd think I have come full circle huh? Nope! Sometimes I'm still fearful, and sometimes its both middle fingers up like a rock star. I'm courageous, I face this fear on a daily basis. Being a supervisor I have to make tuff decisions, that make my crew dislike me. One time I came in to find my name tag stabbed with a pair of scissors. I didn't even flinch.  The more you are disliked, the more ok you get with it. And when you get ok with not being liked, the more rooms you'll enter courageously. The more opportunities you will take. The more success you'll achieve....