The Journey of life is a solo journey.


I am one of those people who put so much pressure on myself about not being there yet. By there I mean at the level of success that I thought I should have achieved by this age, or the weight I should be, or the love that I should have. There’s that nagging feeling of comparison. Even though you’re trying hard to run your own race and stay focused. You get these thoughts that “so and so is this age and has achieved this and I am this age, and I am not where I want to be” Not realizing everyone is going through some version of that fear.

I’ve had to deal with a lot of judgement from some friends and family because of my choice to live in Canada. They believe I should move back to Namibia and continue my teaching career. Some of the harshest comments came from people that I really care about. “You’re wasting your time,” “if you were here you’d be married by now, with a career.” Imagine hearing your fears being voiced by someone you love and with them not having an understanding of the dream the journey that God has put in your soul. So its almost like you’re being pulled by both arms in opposite directions. On your right, you have your loved ones, who are concerned about your future and your own fears, and on your left, you have your dream and the spirit of God whispering ever so gently, pushing you to your destiny. What do you do? You love yourself through the process and trust your journey. Allow it to take the lead role and above all else trust God.

A close friend of mine who was on my case about me moving back home came back to me and sort of apologized but not really. I took it as an apology because her realization that life is not a straight line and everyone has a different path took an ounce pressure off of me. She was having trouble in her marriage she said “Maybe you’re ok being there and doing those funny jobs because you’re happier than I am. You never know what is happening in someone’s life.”

You cannot let someone decide for you how you should do life. NO matter how much they love you. They will never understand what God is calling you to do. You don’t even understand everything God has called you to do. It’s hard to articulate it to yourself and damn near impossible to articulate it to someone else. Trust him anyway and love yourself through this process of change. The Journey of life is a solo journey. You get to decide the direction.

My Brother’s Keeper


My heart really goes out to men, black men especially. Society has taught you that to be human was weak. That to feel pain and expressing it wasn’t man enough. For you to feel love, you must feel pain. If feeling pain is unmanly how can you ever feel love? Now we have generations of men that cannot be reached. Men who have built their walls so up high that if you ever attempt to love him, you’ll get bruised.

When the world set the standard of beauty; women rallied together and challenged the status quo, and they continue to do so to this day by setting up Instagram pages dark skin women, fat women, natural haired women. There are blogs and self-help books written for women by women. Mothers, sisters, cousins and friends seat us down and talk things through with us as women. All these things have helped us define ourselves for ourselves. We’ve been labelled emotional beings, and we’ve allowed ourselves to express this part of our humanity.

Where are your books on manhood? Where are your groups? Where are your blogs where are your Instagram pages? Where do you go to heal? To express yourselves? To be human. I get it most of you are raised by women and women can only raise you, but they cannot teach you what manhood is. This is why I encourage you all to create these safe spaces and try to define what masculinity is for yourselves for the sake of society and the next generation. We need emotionally healthy husbands, fathers and brothers. Men who will not cover up their pain with drugs, sex and money, destroying everything and everyone on their path. Society has put your healing on our shoulders. That somehow it is the responsibility of a “good woman” to heal a broken man. No, healing is a personal journey. One has to be intentional about it.

I’m writing in genuine concern, and this is not a “pick me” agenda.

What did I lose because of her refusal to forgive me?

Working with customers is notoriously hard you guys. People these days are impatient, entitled and in a rush to go home and eat frozen dinners for one in front of the television.
A few weeks ago I informed a customer, a woman that we couldn’t release any of her private info to her son without her written consent. Makes sense right? Nope, not to her. She sent me a series of impolite emails in caps with several exclamation marks.
I was professional, and everything worked out. About a week later the same woman asked me for something else, and I said “Sorry, but the management office handles that” and I asked her to have a seat and wait 5 minutes. The woman went crazy. In between all the yelling, I heard her say “I will never forgive you for not releasing that information to my son.”
That stood out to me because I was out with my friends several weekends in between those two encounters, laughing, dancing and genuinely having a good time. I had forgotten about all that.
Apart from the fact, there was nothing to forgive as I was only doing my job. How did her unforgiveness affect me? What did I lose because of her refusal to forgive me? She was the one suffering from her unforgiveness, this is why they say “forgiveness is not for others it’s for yourself.” When you forgive your mind is no longer being held hostage by the person who hurt you. If you’re upset, angry and bitter while the other person is living life, guess what? That’s your loss.

Happy New Year and Happy Friday! Enjoy your weekend.