A Good Husband

A Good Husband

What it takes to be a good husband

Good Husband

I asked this question on my various social media sites because I really have no idea what it takes to be a good husband. In most patriarchal societies Girls are taught what it takes to be a good wife, and boys are taught what to look for in a wife. But what does it really take to be a good husband?

The question was so difficult to some men that they felt attacked. As a result, they became defensive, and the common come back was “What does it take to be a good wife?”. I avoided, by all means, to answer this questions because it diverts the conversation. This diversion is what I call “All lives mattering” the topic at hand. You know how one group say Black Lives Matter and another group comes up with All Lives Matter? Yeah, that type of diversion.

Here is a list of the answers I got:

  • Good Character
  • God Fearing
  • Maturity
  • Humility
  • Self Control
  • Respect wife and understand her character
  • respectful
  • Be there for your wife
  • Supportive
  • Sex her good
  • A good husband (someone actually commented this and quietly moved on with their lives)
  • Deep understanding and a healthy dose of emotional intelligence (Yaaaaasssss!)
  • None Alcoholic
  • Respectful
  • Loves God
  • Everything we’ve learned about marriage stems from patriarchal essentialist ideas that need to be unlearned. (Say that louder sir!)
  • Love your wife and take care of your kids
  • Be rich, if you’re rich you’re a good husband (rolls eyes)
  • Goal oriented, competitive and spiritual
  • Bros… Patience and listening ear and heart (Awe… )
  • Stick to one pussy love and provide for your family


The Miseducation of our children begins at home we teach our female children to be good wives and fail to teach our male children to be good husbands. In the words of my favourite writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

“We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage.

We teach boys to be afraid of fear, of weakness, of vulnerability. We teach them to mask their true selves because they have to be, in Nigerian-speak—a hard man.” “We teach girls to aspire to marriage, and we don’t teach boys the same.”

This is just the tip of an enormous issue in our society today. Please feel free to add your opinion in the comment section.

Have a blessed week ahead.

Elegant Me
    Posted at 01:47h, 18 December Reply

    Chimamanda my beautiful eloquent sis. Couldn’t have said it better, on the way African parents bring up their kids (Nigerian parents to be precise as that’s where i am from). However, societies have also thought us that as men we should be stronger than women. Which is weird to me, because I have come to learn that women are much more stronger than us men. Indeed it takes a strong and matured man to admit his weaknesses & apologies when he is in the wrong.
    A happily married friend of mine once told me that, a happy wife means a happy life. How a man chooses to make his wife happy speaks tells you how much he knows and understands his wife. I’ll rest my case!!

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