I am one of those people who put so much pressure on myself about not being there yet. By there I mean at the level of success that I thought I should have achieved by this age, or the weight I should be, or the love that I should have. There’s that nagging feeling of comparison. Even though you’re trying hard to run your own race and stay focused. You get these thoughts that “so and so is this age and has achieved this and I am this age, and I am not where I want to be” Not realizing everyone is going through some version of that fear.
I’ve had to deal with a lot of judgement from some friends and family because of my choice to live in Canada. They believe I should move back to Namibia and continue my teaching career. Some of the harshest comments came from people that I really care about. “You’re wasting your time,” “if you were here you’d be married by now, with a career.” Imagine hearing your fears being voiced by someone you love and with them not having an understanding of the dream the journey that God has put in your soul. So its almost like you’re being pulled by both arms in opposite directions. On your right, you have your loved ones, who are concerned about your future and your own fears, and on your left, you have your dream and the spirit of God whispering ever so gently, pushing you to your destiny. What do you do? You love yourself through the process and trust your journey. Allow it to take the lead role and above all else trust God.
A close friend of mine who was on my case about me moving back home came back to me and sort of apologized but not really. I took it as an apology because her realization that life is not a straight line and everyone has a different path took an ounce pressure off of me. She was having trouble in her marriage she said “Maybe you’re ok being there and doing those funny jobs because you’re happier than I am. You never know what is happening in someone’s life.”
You cannot let someone decide for you how you should do life. NO matter how much they love you. They will never understand what God is calling you to do. You don’t even understand everything God has called you to do. It’s hard to articulate it to yourself and damn near impossible to articulate it to someone else. Trust him anyway and love yourself through this process of change. The Journey of life is a solo journey. You get to decide the direction.