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In 2001 I was thirteen, and my grandmother had come from the village to Windhoek to seek medical attention. Every time a siren went off, she would shake her head and go Uh Uhh and say, "oh my God that somebody's child." We, the kids, would wink at each other. Giggle in secrecy at her. We were accustomed to the sounds of the city without consideration of the lives behind the sounds. My grandmother felt everyone's pain so intensely. When she passed in 2003, I began to see these strong compassion tendencies in my mother, and it annoyed the hell out of me. The world is full of crap, and you can't simply afford to feel all of it! My mom felt that maybe I took after my father, who was pretty much considered emotionless after years of emotional abuse until he eventually divorced her in 1997 or so. So imagine my surprise when an ex told me, "The problem with you is that you feel too much." It turns out he was loving on someone else, and my intuitions were right, but that's not the point. My point is there's a gift in being so compassionate. In a world that's always telling us to be about "I." Every person I admire, who; is currently celebrated in history, is a result of their intense compassion for their people. Nelson Mandela could have said, "Man, I'm going to mind my business be a lawyer and marry Winnie f** these people," and that's the same blueprint for Bob Marley, Dr. King, Malcolm X and even racist Mahatma Gandhi. Yes is said it google that. After watching the documentary on the trial of Khalif Browder and little Gabriel Fernandez, I found my self thinking maybe I feel too much. I need to chill. But...

Wait; What? Why? My heart is racing. My hands are trembling I am in shock, this can't be. What did I do? So I grabbed my phone and googled "How to know someone blocked you on WhatsApp."  There are a couple of indicators that you may be blocked https://faq.whatsapp.com › general: You can no longer see a contact's last seen or online in the chat window. Learn more here. You do not see updates to a contact's profile photo. Any messages sent to a contact who has blocked you will always show one check mark (message sent), and never show a second check mark (message delivered). Any calls you attempt to place will not go through. I say to myself, "Nah, this can't be right" So I called twice and left a message: Hey, I send you a birthday message on WhatsApp, and I didn't get a reply. Is everything ok?  No reply to that either. Whew! That hurt my soul. I can act like I am confused, that I did nothing wrong, that I didn't deserve this. But I have done a lot of shady things to her. To my childhood BFF, My cousin. We shared many experiences. When she was 7 and I 6, she had her mom call my mom and asked if I could come to the city and so we can play together, even though she had a street full of friends. My mom got me packed up and put me in a car with one of my uncles and off we went.  We got our tongues pierced at 15/16; even though you were a year older than I was, you pushed me to the front, and I got pierced first. We laughed, cried and experimented with alcohol at a young age together. I looked up to you. Maybe way too much because you were also...

So you're on this path of healing, self-awareness and self-love. You're growing and taking care of you now. You're hyper-aware of the quotes and the books written on this topic, and the general consensus is that you've got to follow your passion.  God's will for your life, your Purpose! The birds have a purpose they wake up every morning to their mission; they sing and fly! Imagine what God has for you; Who were instructed to be above all creatures? This is all true, and I wholeheartedly believe in this, but does it take away the frustration of not knowing? No. For some people it's obvious. They can sing, or they've always been able to solve complicated mathematical equations that are above their grade. Then there's you; you have no clue! So what now? The truth of the matter is that you've caught a glimpse of yourself, but you never took the time to explore that part of you. So part of your journey to self-actualization, you will have to explore every brief perception of yourself. I've always known that I can write on any topic given to me in a continuous writing exam. For those who are not familiar with this, continuous writing was part of our English, Otjiherero or any other language course where we were given a list of topics and had to choose which we would write a story on. What I knew for sure was that I could write a story based on any of these topics. The thing is I had a limited world view, and no one around me was a writer. I tried my best to mould myself to the world presented to me, and I knew I was swimming against the current of what I'm supposed to be doing but What was I...

I am a huge Celine Dion fan! When I was 13, my older cousin's boyfriend gave her a Celine Dion greatest hits of 1982-1996 album, and it pretty much became mine. After years of reading Mills and Boon novels, I finally had the soundtrack for romance. Everything made sense, and I was ready for love! I learned all the words to all the songs. I even made a music book. For those who don't know what a music book is, before Google, There was no way to learn the lyrics to a song but to listen carefully stop the tape and write what you heard in your music book. There were a lot of discrepancies between what she sang and what I heard, but that didn't matter I was hooked. A couple of years and heartbreaks later. I saw Celine in concert, on tv she was singing "My heart will go on" after the death of her husband. Her eyes were glistening with tears as her voice effortlessly tore the roof of the building. Something had changed in me. Instead of feeling what I felt at 13 I was appalled! I asked myself  "Why is she letting people see her like this? Can't she see these people will use this against her? "They do not deserve to see her like this." I had changed. The hopelessly romantic 13-year-old was gone. During my quest for healing, I came across Brene Brown's Ted Talk on vulnerability, and it absolutely changed my perception. To put in a nutshell, she says people who love wholeheartedly believe they are worthy of love. They fully embrace the courage to invest in a relationship that may or may not work. So Somewhere in between 13 and 27, I lost the faith that I deserved to be loved. The problem...

Yikes! I found myself slipping into an old habit of shrinking myself to make other people comfortable around me. When I'm in a situation where I feel I may be intimidating to someone or I'm at a better place in my life than they are I start being self-deprecating and make myself appear so small and irrelevant to accommodate their insecurities and imaginary inadequacies. This habit really eats away at my soul. The funny thing is no one really requires this from me. I just make assumptions and overcompensate for my light that's shining in someone else's eyes. By doing this, I am actually doing them a disservice. Who's to say that maybe God put me in their presence to give them a glimpse of what their lives could be if they followed the gentle nudging of the holy spirit into their destiny? No wonder this eats at my soul because I'm too busy standing in the way of God's work. I need to get over myself because it was never about me in the first place. Shine, Your light is for the benefit of everyone around you. Dimming it is not humility and shining it is not arrogance. Be brave and hold your head high, you have been called according to His purpose by simply living your best life! Enjoy the rest of your week elegant beasts!...

There's this culture of people talking big and not being able to back it up. Everyone is too busy trying to convince everyone how important they are, how successful they are and how fit they are. It's in the little things we do on daily. It's in body shapers instead of exercising, it's on social media these perfectly seeming couples, its in the quotes we choose to upload. Everyone is on a mission to prove how they've got it together. They know where their life is headed. Why isn't anyone talking about their fears? Why haven't I told you that I am passionate about writing these blogs, but I have no idea where this might lead. I  want it to take me to a point where I can "secure the bag" for my baby girl and I. I am passionate about screenwriting, but I am super scared of a career in the arts and breaking into this tight-knit industry where you need to know someone to get in. Why am I not telling you that days go by without me writing and even though I am making that active choice of not writing I still wake up in panic scared that I am in my 30's and I am nowhere near being to where I want to be or where I think I should have been years ago.  If that's the case why am I spending so much time on social media and not enough time writing and honing my craft? I know what I need to do to be where I need to be. We all know what we need to do to be where we want to be. It takes blood sweat and tears. So why not Talk big and work big. Shonda Rhimes said "If you don't write every day don't call yourself...

I am one of those people who put so much pressure on myself about not being there yet. By there I mean at the level of success that I thought I should have achieved by this age, or the weight I should be, or the love that I should have. There's that nagging feeling of comparison. Even though you're trying hard to run your own race and stay focused. You get these thoughts that "so and so is this age and has achieved this and I am this age, and I am not where I want to be" Not realizing everyone is going through some version of that fear. I've had to deal with a lot of judgement from some friends and family because of my choice to live in Canada. They believe I should move back to Namibia and continue my teaching career. Some of the harshest comments came from people that I really care about. "You're wasting your time," "if you were here you'd be married by now, with a career." Imagine hearing your fears being voiced by someone you love and with them not having an understanding of the dream the journey that God has put in your soul. So its almost like you're being pulled by both arms in opposite directions. On your right, you have your loved ones, who are concerned about your future and your own fears, and on your left, you have your dream and the spirit of God whispering ever so gently, pushing you to your destiny. What do you do? You love yourself through the process and trust your journey. Allow it to take the lead role and above all else trust God. A close friend of mine who was on my case about me moving back home came back to me and...

My heart really goes out to men, black men especially. Society has taught you that to be human was weak. That to feel pain and expressing it wasn't man enough. For you to feel love, you must feel pain. If feeling pain is unmanly how can you ever feel love? Now we have generations of men that cannot be reached. Men who have built their walls so up high that if you ever attempt to love him, you'll get bruised. When the world set the standard of beauty; women rallied together and challenged the status quo, and they continue to do so to this day by setting up Instagram pages dark skin women, fat women, natural haired women. There are blogs and self-help books written for women by women. Mothers, sisters, cousins and friends seat us down and talk things through with us as women. All these things have helped us define ourselves for ourselves. We've been labelled emotional beings, and we've allowed ourselves to express this part of our humanity. Where are your books on manhood? Where are your groups? Where are your blogs where are your Instagram pages? Where do you go to heal? To express yourselves? To be human. I get it most of you are raised by women and women can only raise you, but they cannot teach you what manhood is. This is why I encourage you all to create these safe spaces and try to define what masculinity is for yourselves for the sake of society and the next generation. We need emotionally healthy husbands, fathers and brothers. Men who will not cover up their pain with drugs, sex and money, destroying everything and everyone on their path. Society has put your healing on our shoulders. That somehow it is the responsibility of a "good woman"...

Working with customers is notoriously hard you guys. People these days are impatient, entitled and in a rush to go home and eat frozen dinners for one in front of the television. A few weeks ago I informed a customer, a woman that we couldn't release any of her private info to her son without her written consent. Makes sense right? Nope, not to her. She sent me a series of impolite emails in caps with several exclamation marks. I was professional, and everything worked out. About a week later the same woman asked me for something else, and I said "Sorry, but the management office handles that" and I asked her to have a seat and wait 5 minutes. The woman went crazy. In between all the yelling, I heard her say "I will never forgive you for not releasing that information to my son." That stood out to me because I was out with my friends several weekends in between those two encounters, laughing, dancing and genuinely having a good time. I had forgotten about all that. Apart from the fact, there was nothing to forgive as I was only doing my job. How did her unforgiveness affect me? What did I lose because of her refusal to forgive me? She was the one suffering from her unforgiveness, this is why they say "forgiveness is not for others it's for yourself." When you forgive your mind is no longer being held hostage by the person who hurt you. If you're upset, angry and bitter while the other person is living life, guess what? That's your loss. Happy New Year and Happy Friday! Enjoy your weekend. ...